how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
