so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
