I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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