I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
