Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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