I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
