My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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