She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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