glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
