He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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