We're like a lot better than the average bears
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I have post one night stand depression
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
