I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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