You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We had to coat check the pizza.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm just crazy horny about you
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
