I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
ttyl tear gas
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
