peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
