your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
