holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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