singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
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