HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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