if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Who died my cat blue again?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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