it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
