Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
