look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
