i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
