My boss' voice literally gives me gas
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
