just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
