You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
