My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
