Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
