K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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