You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
