someone threw a dead crab at me
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
