Buhtt sex?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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