it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
