She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
