All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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