OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
third nipple confirmed
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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