On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
