There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
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