It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
