Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
