Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
