What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I deserve this hangover.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
