She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
