I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
