Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
