I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
