I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
