Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
