if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
