But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
